About this time last year, my husband and I took our first sans-kids trip together in more than eight years. It was long overdue and I was extremely excited. I was flummoxed by some of the responses I got from friends and family, however. Reactions to our upcoming vacation without kids varied from “Won’t you feel guilty leaving the kids behind?” to “I could never go on vacation without my kids. I wouldn’t have any fun” to “Why did you have kids if you didn’t plan on vacationing with them?”
I admit that I started to feel guilt slip in — at one point I even reconsidered the trip altogether. Then I really thought about our upcoming vacation and determined I’d be packing for Mexico — not a guilt trip. Here’s why:
1. Date night isn’t enough. We’ve all heard that regular date nights are key to great relationships. There’s no doubt that having romantic, kid-free time with a loved one can help couples connect regularly. Date nights offer a way to discuss ‘grown up issues’ away from curious little ears and be romantic without any eye-rolls from teenagers. But an evening out doesn’t likely allow a couple to fully disconnect from their roles as mom and dad. Work, kids and the honey-do list are all never more than a few hours away. With as little as a weekend away, you and your partner have time to truly rediscover yourselves as a couple and as individuals. Which leads me to…
2. A kid-free vacation means re-connecting with your spouse and yourself. By day two of your getaway, you’ll find yourselves being referred to as “Honey,” “Dear,” or (gasp) by your first names instead of “Mom” and “Dad.” Imagine setting an alarm for when you want to wake up instead of your alarm being whenever your youngest saddles up bedside to tug at your arm (yes, 5:30 am is too early). Better yet, imagine not setting an alarm at all. Imagine choosing a restaurant for dinner because it reminds you of the fun French restaurant from your honeymoon rather than because it has highchairs and chicken nuggets. Imagine sitting poolside with a good book (I know you have a stack of them that you haven’t had a chance to touch in ages) without hearing “Mommy, look at me…look at me.” Imagine taking a long bath without Sesame Street blaring in the next room. A vacation without kids means you can make choices and do things with only you and your partner in mind. Re-connect with foods you love to eat, things you love to do and be reminded of who you are as an individual and a couple, not just as mom and dad.
3. A couple's vacation is beneficial to the kids. Your kids seeing mom and dad making special time for each other can help them feel secure and safe, as well as build a strong foundation for them to build their own future relationships upon. Having a couple's vacation inevitably means leaving your kids with other caregivers. Don’t worry — time spent with close friends or family members can be a fantastic experience for kids. Kids that have a little time away from their parents grow in their independence and confidence. Spending longer lengths of time with other caregivers can give kids confidence in being open to new experiences and adventures — kids may try new foods and activities when they are with another caregiver. Siblings may even lean on one another a bit more than usual. And, having someone else parent them for the length of your vacation may even leave kids with a stronger appreciation for how you parent.
4. The benefits of a kid-free vacation are long-lasting. Not only will you return from vacation more relaxed, refreshed and re-energized, but the benefits of your vacation can have some lasting effects. You and your spouse likely had to work together in a different way on vacation than you do at home — navigating a strange place, negotiating where to go for breakfast and what to do after lunch, maybe even exploring new things. All of the time you had together may have tested your patience a bit but also likely helped you find new ways of working together. You can use these newfound skills in your day-to-day life as a couple and as parents. You may also find that the increased intimacy and more-frequent sex you likely had on vacation have a lasting effect once you return to reality. Vacations can remind us how much we enjoy snuggling, holding hands and going to bed with thoughts of something other than watching the next episode of Scandal together. Further, that more relaxed, refreshed feeling you have from vacation can be long lasting, making you a better partner and parent — especially when you find ways to re-connect with that vacation-feeling.
2. A kid-free vacation means re-connecting with your spouse and yourself. By day two of your getaway, you’ll find yourselves being referred to as “Honey,” “Dear,” or (gasp) by your first names instead of “Mom” and “Dad.” Imagine setting an alarm for when you want to wake up instead of your alarm being whenever your youngest saddles up bedside to tug at your arm (yes, 5:30 am is too early). Better yet, imagine not setting an alarm at all. Imagine choosing a restaurant for dinner because it reminds you of the fun French restaurant from your honeymoon rather than because it has highchairs and chicken nuggets. Imagine sitting poolside with a good book (I know you have a stack of them that you haven’t had a chance to touch in ages) without hearing “Mommy, look at me…look at me.” Imagine taking a long bath without Sesame Street blaring in the next room. A vacation without kids means you can make choices and do things with only you and your partner in mind. Re-connect with foods you love to eat, things you love to do and be reminded of who you are as an individual and a couple, not just as mom and dad.
3. A couple's vacation is beneficial to the kids. Your kids seeing mom and dad making special time for each other can help them feel secure and safe, as well as build a strong foundation for them to build their own future relationships upon. Having a couple's vacation inevitably means leaving your kids with other caregivers. Don’t worry — time spent with close friends or family members can be a fantastic experience for kids. Kids that have a little time away from their parents grow in their independence and confidence. Spending longer lengths of time with other caregivers can give kids confidence in being open to new experiences and adventures — kids may try new foods and activities when they are with another caregiver. Siblings may even lean on one another a bit more than usual. And, having someone else parent them for the length of your vacation may even leave kids with a stronger appreciation for how you parent.
4. The benefits of a kid-free vacation are long-lasting. Not only will you return from vacation more relaxed, refreshed and re-energized, but the benefits of your vacation can have some lasting effects. You and your spouse likely had to work together in a different way on vacation than you do at home — navigating a strange place, negotiating where to go for breakfast and what to do after lunch, maybe even exploring new things. All of the time you had together may have tested your patience a bit but also likely helped you find new ways of working together. You can use these newfound skills in your day-to-day life as a couple and as parents. You may also find that the increased intimacy and more-frequent sex you likely had on vacation have a lasting effect once you return to reality. Vacations can remind us how much we enjoy snuggling, holding hands and going to bed with thoughts of something other than watching the next episode of Scandal together. Further, that more relaxed, refreshed feeling you have from vacation can be long lasting, making you a better partner and parent — especially when you find ways to re-connect with that vacation-feeling.
It’s been a year since my husband and I went to Mexico without the kids. We recently sent the kids to Grandma’s and had date night. We ate at a local Mexican restaurant, enjoyed Margaritas at home while flipping through our vacation photo album and then hit the ‘Ocean Waves’ button on the nature sounds app as we went to bed (and bedtime did not involve binge-watching our favorite TV show). A year later, that kid-free getaway is still paying off.
